A Toughy

Tonight was a tough one.  My grandfather has had a series of health problems for the last 12 years or so, and in this last year they have steadily increased.  He is recovering from a huge fall he had about a month ago, that resulted in bleeding on the brain, facial fracture, pretty much you name it.  Now he has pneumonia.  Knowing it's the beginning of the end is so surreal.  You never know how a loved one is going to go, if you're going to know that they're going to go, or if you're going to go before they go.  But to KNOW your loved one is going, brings a ton of reflection and awareness to the relationship. 
My whole life, my grandfather has been the stern-walking cowboy that sat in the same chair, in the same spot, and watched the same television shows.  He chewed, when I was young, still keeps a spit tune next to his chair.  He engaged, for what he could, but for the most part was an adults adult.  It wasn't until I had my own children, and his health started slipping that I actually started to see the lighter side of him.  If my math is correct, my grandfather is the grandson to the man that was one of the six founding families of San Marcos.  I never knew that until I was like 20!  I sort of knew what kind of land they owned, but it was never put into perspective until I was much older.  To have my grandfather go, isn't just cutting off the patriarchal ruler of my family, it's cutting off the source of all the family history as well as a first-hand account of what life was like in the very beginning in the city that I have always called home.
So now, here I sit.  When he makes it out of the hospital, if he makes it out of the hospital, what do I say?  There's so much to know, but no real way to ask the questions.  We aren't the kind of family that leaves with "I love yous" countered with hugs and kisses.  Just not "the Uhland way".  Tonight was the first night I have ever seen my own father cry, really cry.  I've seen him get "emotional", as he calls it, but never really cry, from the sadness in his heart.  Heartbreaking what pitiful stuff does get passed down, and what important things don't.  I am thankful for the road my grandfather paved for so many of us, just wish I could have known a little more of the actual man inside the man.

Kindergarten Orientation

Summed up, kindergarten orientation is a slew of maddness confined to a very small space, piled with confusion, too much emotion, and two softspoken women that just want to go home.  Princess' teacher went to High School with me, she's very nice, it should be a good year.  But all those kids in one space?!  My gracious!  It takes a Saint, I swear.  Princess had a good time.  She played quite well and didn't mind being out on the playground without us.  It was so much easier with twins.  I never had to worry about if they made friends, or had any troubles because there was always another child to play with or to stand up for them.  This is a whole new beast.  And she's a girl!  I'm rarely ever very sensitive about these things, but this one was a toughy.  So that leads me to my next thought...
When you see someone that you went to high school with, or something like that, and haven't seen the person in years, do you say something?  A girl that was three yrs. older than me was at the orientation tonight.  I know she didn't know me, but I remember her.  I am always the "duck your head, don't say hi" person.  My husband laughs at me.  I don't really even say hi to people that I was friendly with in High School.  It's just weird for me, after all these years.  Silly right?
Side Bar- Twin A has lunch and classes without brother this year.  And surrogate twin/triplet has lunch with twin B.  Twin A is freakin.  Man I remember those days.  So funny, and such a bummer!
Work tomorrow.  I love my job.  I love my clients.  They are the extention of my sanity.  Loves it!  Gnight!

Processing

So I decided to finally start a blog, more for myself than for anyone that suggested I do so. ;)  It probably won't be that fancy or that much of something that get's passed around, but more for family to be able to see what's going on and for myself to have as a memory of my children.  It's occured to me that my oldests are going to be 13 and I've never really kept a good, accurate account of funny things they've said, or memories we have as a family.  I hope to have that from this point on.  Not too much going on with the kids.  Jaycie is starting Kindergarten on Monday and I am still having a hard time getting my mind around that.  I sort of thought they'd be little forever.  But not in that nostalgic "my baby" sense, sort of in that, "will this infant stage ever end" sense.  And what do you know?  It's ending.  It really does go too fast.
Another little revelation on my mind is that as a stay at home mom, I'm so not your typical stay at home mom.  I like the idea of doing crafts, but I'm so OCD I hate the idea of having to clean up afterward.  I really want to know how mom's have the time to cook, clean (and keep the house clean), do laundry, then go to museums, do crafts, and fun stuff like that.  As I think about it, I'm not a fan of playgroups, or just groups.  Sitting with a bunch of moms discussing children and "mommy" stuff sort of makes me sick.  I want to talk about what's going on in the world, the latest fashions, or something funny that happened to someone.  I want to know who people are OUTSIDE of their children.  And as much as I love kids, because I really do, I don't love the atmosphere playgroup simply because it fees like uncontrolled babysitting.  I can't tell your kid what to do, but if you don't, I have to keep listening to your kid scream, for no apparent reason.  Anyone else feel this way?  Well, if that doesn't get the ball rolling on some fans....Lol!  I have some of the greatest children on the face of the plantet, and I love them dearly, I just see more to this world then just MY children.  Anyhoo.  That's it for today.  Maybe tomorrow will be a funny story from one of the children.