A Toughy

Tonight was a tough one.  My grandfather has had a series of health problems for the last 12 years or so, and in this last year they have steadily increased.  He is recovering from a huge fall he had about a month ago, that resulted in bleeding on the brain, facial fracture, pretty much you name it.  Now he has pneumonia.  Knowing it's the beginning of the end is so surreal.  You never know how a loved one is going to go, if you're going to know that they're going to go, or if you're going to go before they go.  But to KNOW your loved one is going, brings a ton of reflection and awareness to the relationship. 
My whole life, my grandfather has been the stern-walking cowboy that sat in the same chair, in the same spot, and watched the same television shows.  He chewed, when I was young, still keeps a spit tune next to his chair.  He engaged, for what he could, but for the most part was an adults adult.  It wasn't until I had my own children, and his health started slipping that I actually started to see the lighter side of him.  If my math is correct, my grandfather is the grandson to the man that was one of the six founding families of San Marcos.  I never knew that until I was like 20!  I sort of knew what kind of land they owned, but it was never put into perspective until I was much older.  To have my grandfather go, isn't just cutting off the patriarchal ruler of my family, it's cutting off the source of all the family history as well as a first-hand account of what life was like in the very beginning in the city that I have always called home.
So now, here I sit.  When he makes it out of the hospital, if he makes it out of the hospital, what do I say?  There's so much to know, but no real way to ask the questions.  We aren't the kind of family that leaves with "I love yous" countered with hugs and kisses.  Just not "the Uhland way".  Tonight was the first night I have ever seen my own father cry, really cry.  I've seen him get "emotional", as he calls it, but never really cry, from the sadness in his heart.  Heartbreaking what pitiful stuff does get passed down, and what important things don't.  I am thankful for the road my grandfather paved for so many of us, just wish I could have known a little more of the actual man inside the man.